Photo | Rex Features
1. Hurrah, not another summer wedding! At least we’ll have time to save up for this one.
2. I really hope it’s not too cold though, I don’t have an appropriately fancy coat to go over my fancy outfit.
3. I definitely won’t look my best in the wedding pictures. My ‘bikini body’ is long gone thanks to all those lovely Sunday roasts.
4. I hope the bride doesn’t slip over on the ice. I bet she’s worried about that. I bet that’s all she can think about. Especially after I mentioned it to her last week.
5. Ugh, travelling in the snow. I know it’s magical and all, but I reaaally don’t want to get stuck on the motorway and be on the news.
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6. Well, at least we don’t have to worry about being hot and sweaty.
7. Oooh, I do hope they have a Christmas dinner. With pigs in blankets. It’s all about the pigs in blankets.
8. And some hot mulled cocktails, they’ll be nice after coming in from the cold.
9. Hmm, except…. I hope I don’t spill mulled wine on the bride’s dress. That would be awful. Actually, I’m just not going to drink any. I really don’t want to be that person.
9. It’s a bit close to Christmas. I’ll need to make sure I’ve got all my shopping done by October.
10. I simply must buy a new outfit. None of my summer dresses will do.
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11. Hmm that means new shoes, I really don’t want to lose my toes if I wear sandals.
12. Is a faux fur shrug too dramatic? They do look nice…
13. Is black too depressing to wear to a winter wedding? Surely it’s more appropriate than at a summer wedding, right?
14. Chocolate Santa wedding favours? Genius! Anyone not having theirs?
15. Oh wow, I’m going to have to shave my legs for the first time since summer.
16. Fake tan. Where the heck is my fake tan?
17. Will I look like I’m trying to upstage the bride if I wear sequins?
18. I’m going to pack my Christmas jumper for the morning after.
19. They should totally have a mince pie tower instead of a cake.
20. You know what? Winter weddings are really lovely when you think about it. Maybe we should have one too.
21. Oooh, maybe we’ll get engaged at the wedding.
22. I can’t wait.